What is “lazy parenting” and why it’s okay?
Have you ever heard the term “lazy parenting“? Do you have a negative perception when you hear it? The whole idea behind “lazy” is that we just think you are sitting on your butt, ignoring your children, or just doing the bare minimum. But lazy parenting isn’t about doing the bare minimum. It’s actually tactic. Let me explain!
Lazy parenting
So it sounds bad, but hear me out. We are always busy as parents, in fact, it can feel like there is never enough time to have a break and sit and relax. Part of parenting is this desire to do it all, and then we have so much guilt if we didn’t “play” enough, “give” enough, or “communicate” enough. Well I’m here to tell you this: it’s not your job to play, it’s your kids’ job to play. I may have mentioned this already in another post about Mom Guilt. So how can anyone be classified as a “lazy parent”?
You’re still watching, you’re still nurturing, and you’re still within proximity of your kids, you’re just allowing them to grow and figure things out on their own. There’s nothing wrong with it, in fact, it’s healthy.
Once your baby is on the move and your house is considered baby proofed, allowing your baby to crawl around, explore the kitchen, bedrooms, bathrooms (and keeping an eye out for toilet paper destruction) your baby is going to reach those milestones easier when they are able to feel free to do so. Holding your 10 month old all day is not only exhausting, it’s not doing her any favours. Your baby learns best when exploring objects like books in her room, stuffies on her brother’s glider, the Tupperware cupboard in the kitchen, bath toys in the bathroom…yes your house will be trashed but a busy baby is a learning baby.
Our house is one level, minus the basement which has a baby gate, but I allow Isabella to crawl around the house as she pleases, while I still know where she is at all times. She thinks I don’t see but I do. She’s perfectly safe in each room, nothing heavy can fall on her, outlets are covered, but I definitely keep fun things at an easy reach like books and toys. Not only can she explore as she pleases, she has lots of opportunity to practice new skills, and play on her own. Being able to pull herself up has allowed her the confidence to take her first steps at 11 months and letting her explore and play on her own has allowed her to find independence with her toys and puzzles. She doesn’t need me to play farm with her every second she’s near it, which allows me to eat or do dishes.
Of course I do put her in her play pen which is filled with toys so I can run to the basement to do laundry or to the bathroom without her following me.
Lazy parenting allows your baby or child to figure things out, and let nature take its course with reaching certain milestones. A baby that’s held all day will take longer to crawl. Constant attention will keep a baby from independence and hovering at the playground will evidently create a nervous child who won’t be confident in risk-taking. These subtle parenting tactics are what mold our children and letting them be can be a good thing as long as they are safe. Allowing your kids to try new things and even make mistakes is allowing them to set their own limits. Not telling them they can’t do something helps them learn for themselves. If they feel free to learn, they won’t be so afraid of mistakes as they grow up. And as we know, mistakes are necessary for growth.
I’ve found with Jackson, that if he isn’t good at something right away, he doesn’t want to do it anymore. He gets to be nervous to make mistakes and do it wrong because he lacks confidence. But when he keeps trying and accomplishes something, he is so proud of himself and we praise him for it. Teaching him that it’s okay to make mistakes at 6 years old isn’t easy and I know how overprotective I was when he was little. Of course nothing I did was “wrong” or “bad parenting”, I just wanted to protect him and keep him safe.
He was my first baby and I didn’t know any other way than to teach him to be careful. I didn’t realize how much I was taking away his confidence and acceptance of failure. It could very well have impacted him but it could also just be a personality trait. Either way, I did my best and there wasn’t anything I was doing wrong.
With Isabella, I feel more at ease in letting her figure things out, and she’s reaching her milestones at record speed. Now at 12 months she’s walking around the house and getting better at balance every single day. She will soon be running at the park and chasing her brother. She’s about to see the joys that life can bring and all the fun that is ahead of her.
