How I survived a new baby and older child 

Nobody prepares you for what consists of a normal day at home with a new baby. Let alone a new baby plus an older children. So what does a normal day with a new baby PLUS another child look like?

Some of you mamas may have 3 children or more, and maybe you have 2 children and expecting a 3rd. But what about those of you going from 1 child to 2? If you ask anyone, they might tell you that going from 1 to 2 children is a huge jump. Maybe the biggest jump. You’ve never had to split yourself up for more than one child and suddenly you have to learn how. You gave all your love and attention to your first child and now you have to focus on a baby?? Depending on the age of your older child, it can look different to everyone. 

So let me tell you about my own experience with going from 1 child to 2. 

Jackson was a pretty easy toddler just a few short years ago. He was very sweet and sensitive, and was a pretty good boy. He was a kind and caring soul who listened and went to bed without a fuss. If I had a baby during Jackson’s toddler phase, I know he would still be a good little boy, but jealousy may have played a role. Since he was 5.5 years old when Isabella came along, he was beyond the “I’m the baby” phase and well developed as a true “I’m a Big Brother” phase. Thank goodness for that! I can’t imagine what a lot of mamas go through with 2 under 2 years old. I know it’s hard and you’re a superstar for doing it that way. Those struggles are huge in the beginning for sure. The way I handled a new baby after 5 years was not well at all. I’m so thankful Jackson was the age he was. 

From 1 to 2
After Isabella was born, I was definitely worried that the 5 year relationship and bond I created with Jackson would suffer, and it did a little. But just for the first few months. Trying to learn how to be a NEW MOM again was hard, but what made it worse was the guilt I had with Jackson. If I was frustrated with a feeding session, or how short her nap was, I felt like I took it out on Jackson, because he was there. I felt like, he was adding to my load of frustration by bouncing around or being too loud, or me just realizing that “Oh crap, I didn’t make you breakfast yet!” Trying to plan this and that between feedings and naps was so stressful that I know Jackson felt like Mommy was losing her mind. Maybe he even felt like my love for him was gone. But of course it wasn’t. I just had to learn how to split myself into 2 so that both my children had all of me. 


Feeling the guilt

Having a new baby in the middle of a pandemic is the worst way to add to your existing load or parenting. Your household has no normal routine and you have to be locked away in your house with no place to go and nothing to keep everyone busy. There’s no time away from each other. That summer, we made sure to sign Jackson up for camps, and send him to a babysitter where he could get out of the house and still be social. Plus I desperately needed to be alone to bond with Isabella and find my own sense of normalcy throughout the day. 

I would drop Jackson off early morning, go home with Isabella for feeding, nap, let her play with her jungle gym while I fed myself, put her in her swing to watch me clean the house a bit, take her for walks, and pick up Jackson sometime before dinner. It gave me that time I needed to focus on my baby while Jackson got to be busy all day with other kids. It was a win for all of us. Those days helped me feel more like myself because I wasn’t feeling guilty about failing. Was I failing though? No way! I just needed to regain myself to be better for him, and still give my all to Isabella. She deserved that one on one time with me too. 


Feeling like mommy again 

Once I was able to get Isabella on a routine of naps and feedings, having Jackson around during the day didn’t feel so overwhelming. Isabella was now able to sit on the floor and be occupied with toys while Jackson played with her, and I could be in the kitchen. Luckily our house is pretty open concept so I could watch them. Jackson was getting better in his Big Brother role, which he definitely had to learn along the way, and Isabella was becoming more engaging and fun. We all had to grow into new roles together. And watching Isabella develop a personality has made us all fall in love. 

Today

Now that Isabella is so close to her 1st birthday, she’s almost ending the Formula stage, she eats anything she gets her hands on including rocks, crawls super fast down the hall, can stand unassisted and almost taking her first steps. She’s on two naps a day, and welcomes sleep at night, all night. Wakes up babbling and playing in her crib, plays with Jackson and laughs at all the goofy things he does, loves Daddy cuddles, gets excited when we go down to the basement to play, and gets mad when she runs out of banana. She yells at the vacuum and chases it, and likes to take all the books out of Jackson’s nightstand. 

All those difficult and guilt filled days are behind us as quickly as this 1st year has gone by and I can now say that I’m enjoying both my children, in different ways. Equally but differently. I’m amazed how much they bond and play, and light up when they see each other. This is truly what it’s all about.