Motherhood: how it truly changes your DNA

Becoming a mom changes everything. I’m not talking about your life before and after kids… I mean it changes you. You’re never really free. Your mind, your body, or your soul.  You now have this piece of you that is detached from you and you can’t ever feel complete without it. 

Do you ever feel like you need to get away and be alone, without your kids, but when you are away from them, you want to be with them? Why is that? That’s Motherhood. Those because those kids rely on mama so much that you create a guilt inside your soul that prevents you from detaching fully. 

Motherhood changes you inside and out when you give birth. You become a different version of YOU that you never knew could exist. I remember when I first had Jackson, and I wasn’t myself anymore. Not depressed, not anxious, just not me. I suddenly had this new reason for being alive, and I didn’t know how else to be anymore. I had this little blob who I had to keep alive and happy and comfy and safe. I didn’t even know how I felt about him for the longest time and I can tell you, I still remember the moment when I realized “I’m so in love with this little guy”. 

It’s okay to not feel that Love At First Sight with your baby, it’s such a confusing and conflicting time for a new mom.  You don’t know this little person, whoever they are. But this little person starts to smile at you and you start to see the light in those eyes. 

Motherhood changed me so much, I lost myself. I forgot who I was, what I enjoyed doing for me, what I even did with my time before. It became so bad that I was getting dependent on my baby. I felt the “mom guilt” so bad that I couldn’t enjoy any other relationship I had before. 

When I finally felt like I could breathe again, Jackson was probably 3 years old. I just started to care more about other things because Jackson was more independent and more of an actual “person” in our house than he ever was. I remember when I realized it. Like I felt like me again, finding hobbies and reading books like before. 

If you’re a new mom, and you feel like your life is over as you knew it, it’s not. You became someone’s mommy and as much as that will never change, you will find yourself again. When your baby was born, a mother was born too. But who you are, is still in there, you just had to shift gears for awhile and that’s okay. You will some day get a little bit more back that you’ve sacrificed, and don’t let anyone rush you to do that. 

Survival Mode is real. We all have to get through that stage, and it will feel like forever but it suddenly ends, and you see the light again. Just hang in there mama! You are amazing.