Newborn sleep associations that worked for us
When I had my first baby, Jackson, I had no clue what kind of sleep techniques or routines to carry out for him, because I didn’t know there was any rhyme or reason to baby sleep. I just brought him to bed with us, nursed him and we both went to sleep. He slept fairly well with just nursing back to sleep, until about 4 months old and he just wasn’t sleeping well anymore. So I transferred him to his room, but I was up at all hours getting him back to sleep. I didn’t want to do this again with my next baby, it was too unbearable for me.
When I had Isabella, I wanted to implement some kind of sleep routine from Day 1. She slept in our bed (the bassinet didn’t work for me) because having her beside me was comforting for both of us and I was able to pull her little bundled body to my breast when she woke up, and slid her back to her little spot when she fell back asleep. Our King size bed allowed tons of room for her and I wasn’t too close either. So here is what I did for nighttime with Baby Bella:
- Swaddle
- Sucking
- Swaying
- Side position
- Shushing or singing
These are all known as The 5 S’s for baby sleep. For a newborn, being out of the tightly cuddled and warm womb can be overly shocking and chilly. Not only that, but they slept best while you were keeping busy, and not just sitting still or trying to sleep. At least for me, with both pregnancies, my babies were more active when I was trying to rest and tended to be more still while I worked or cleaned my house. Why is that? Motion! Babies love motion, which is why they came up with baby swings, those bassinets that rock and twist, and why babies fall asleep on car rides. To get your baby to calm down, or fall asleep, The 5 S’s are your best option.
Swaddle
Getting the hang of a tight swaddle is key. Babies can sometimes wiggle out of their swaddle but this doesn’t necessarily mean they hate being swaddled. This was, what I thought, the case with Jackson, and by 2 months of age I gave up the swaddle attempt. But with Isabella, I stuck to it and perfected it. There are many tutorials on how to do the perfect swaddle and there are a few different ways. Choose which ever one is easier for you. I figured it out with Isabella from the very beginning and never looked back. Swaddling gets that baby secure and feeling safe, also controls their Moro reflex (when they throw their arms out) so they don’t startle easily. This reflex goes away between 4-6 months. Keeping your baby secure in a swaddle helps them settle a lot easier.
Sucking
All babies are born with the need to suck. That’s how they eat, it’s how they find comfort naturally. If you think your baby doesn’t like soothers, keep trying and offer it when your baby is already calm so that they can associate it with comfort and not something forced on them when they are upset. Just to get them started on it, but eventually they will want it FOR soothing purposes. Trust me, it’s all in the research, and personal experience. Another thing I gave up on with Jackson. I just didn’t persist because I just didn’t know I should have. Once your baby is swaddled and calm, offer the soother in your baby’s mouth and sucking will eventually work out.
Swaying
So your baby is swaddled in your arms, sucking a soother, and now what? Get dancing, walking, or swaying. Walk and sway, stand and sway, whatever you find is working. I did all of these things with Isabella. I walked up and down the hallway, around my room, and around the kitchen. Never in frustration, but calmly and optimistic. I gently swayed as I took a step, and that really helped her fall asleep for the first 4 months at least. This is all thanks to motion that I did this every night with her.
Side position
While holding your baby in the swaddle, keep their body either turned outward or inward, slightly inclined so that they are in a side position.
I held Isabella inward, facing me, but not too much that her face was against my boob. She was cozy and her little face would relax and she’d shut her eyes. The side position works because, especially after a feeding, it keeps milk from coming back up in case of reflux. Holding your baby close to your body also helps them feel secure.
Shushing or singing
So here is where you can be a little more creative. Depending on the baby, you could “shhh shhh shhh” or sing softly. I found that Isabella responded well to singing, and to this day, I sing to her at nap time and bedtime. I used to pick a song on Spotify with my phone, whether it was an instrumental lullaby or a radio song. And now I just pick songs that are easy to repeat like “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” “Old McDonald” or “You Are My Sunshine”.
The point to shushing is that it creates that white noise in your baby’s ear and actually helps soothe. If you’re not a fan of singing or your baby doesn’t respond to it, shushing works great.
But how long did this technique last for us?
This whole method of baby sleep worked best from newborn stage to about 4 months for Isabella, and out of nowhere things changed. Isabella was taking longer to fall asleep, she was squirming more in my arms, and I was getting more frustrated. Just know this: babies constantly change. Newborn techniques stop working as a baby gets older and you have to shift gears. So I’d be doing all the right things, and sleep was getting increasingly difficult. My patience were going out the window quickly and I knew that I’d have to start sleep training at some point. Otherwise I’d be battling night wakings for years and I’m sorry, but I was not okay with this. If it’s okay for you, all the power to you, but I’m not into that. I was already crying enough about baby sleep issues. Knowing there are ways for a strong baby sleep foundation was hopeful for me.
By 5 months old, Isabella was taking 2 hours to fall asleep, she fought the swaddle and struggled in my arms, spat out her soother, and was just so unhappy with our routine. I tried to be consistent but it wasn’t worth it anymore. Even night wakings were more frequent and nursing back to sleep was no longer working. By this time we had switched to formula because she wasn’t nursing well during the day at all. She was starving and tired, so we weren’t going to waste more time and let her suffer. She needed to be FED! (That’s a blog post for another time.)
By 6 months, I made the decision to start sleep training Isabella for nighttime sleep. Her naps weren’t suffering yet. We did the 2 week program with @takingcarababies, The ABC’s of Sleep and it’s the best thing we did for Isabella and all of us. In no time, bedtime was peaceful and soothing, Isabella put herself to sleep, and slept all night. We were all more at ease and enjoying our baby again.
But what if your baby is fussy?
Doing all these things with your baby has been found with research by baby experts and they are very universal soothing techniques. When all fails and your baby is inconsolable, consider all the possibilities first: Wet? Hungry? Gassy?
You cannot soothe a hungry baby. Even if you already fed them, feed again. Your baby might just want a top off. Make sure that diaper is clean and dry. Discomfort should be addressed too and if it’s gas, there are many techniques to relieve this, and once your baby feels better, sleep will come easily. Once you believe discomfort has been alleviated, swaddle your baby, offer a soother to suck, cradle in side position, sway or dance, shush or sing, and watch your baby fall asleep within minutes. Hold in your arms if you want, or place down, bum touching down first and slowly the head. You will get a feel for which way works for your baby. If you CAN’T put the baby down, just hold them and relax on the couch with some Netflix!
Full Disclosure
These are all the things that worked for our baby Isabella, that came from research and desperation for a sleeping baby. When baby sleeps, we all sleep and that’s so important for mental health. Of course night wakings are biologically normal for babies, but they can also learn when sleep is the only option. If you are totally against Sleep Training, and you are fine with how your baby is sleeping, that’s great. If your baby sleeps well and you’re all happy, there’s no need to change a thing. If you hate your life and are exhausted, and can’t enjoy your beautiful baby due to sleepless nights, teaching your baby to fall asleep independently is amazing and babies learn very quickly. You won’t torture your baby with Sleep Training. No one knows your baby as well as you do, and you know what is best for them. No one can tell you what to do, just make sure you know that there is help out there.