The hardest thing about having 2 kids

Hi mama. How are you doing today? Are you close to losing your mind? Do you feel like you just can’t get it together? Have you yelled yet today?

Take a nice deep breath in and out. Repeat after me: 

This is hard, but it will pass. I will get through this. I am a great mom. I will soon find some time for myself. 

Motherhood is hard. Period. But how do you find ways to get it all together and still keep everyone happy, even yourself? 

Well let me tell you, from my own perspective, how I managed the hardest months as a mother of 2. 

Let’s all be clear first, that everyone’s situation is unique. Maybe you have 2 under 2 years old, maybe you have 2 that are 4 years apart, maybe you handle stress well or manage best when your waist-deep in motherhood. Maybe you have a new baby and older child, or maybe you’re pregnant with your second and don’t know what to expect. There are always going to be many different directions you are being pulled in. You’re outnumbered mama, it’s going to be tough. 

New mother of 2

When I had Isabella, Jackson was 5.5 years old, so he was potty trained, slept well at night, self sufficient where he can get himself dressed, pour a drink in a cup, grab a snack from the cupboard and even be alone watching tv while mommy showers or does laundry. I didn’t have to worry too much about the basics of caring for him when it came to his new baby sister. Not only that, but he was extra helpful when Isabella was crying in her baby swing. He danced for her, talked to her, and loved her so much right from the start. His understanding of “the baby needs to sleep so keep the noise down please”. He absolutely felt mommy’s frustration when Isabella was hard to manage. This made me so grateful that Isabella came when we were already at this point with Jackson, but still I had to learn to reconnect with Jackson the way I did before, while being a brand new mom once again. I actually feel like I missed out on him that entire first year with Isabella. 

The demand of motherhood 

Each time a new baby comes, you’re a NEW mom. Again. It’s a new baby, a new beginning, with new demands. And by demands, I mean, they’re demanding. They have needs you have to meet and instead of that one child, you now have 2!

In my own experience with 2 children, I’m now with a 6.5 year old and a 1 year old. But leading up to this point of motherhood, it was a lot like having a baby and a little person who relates a little more to you than a baby. Jackson isn’t a toddler that can’t comprehend the needs of a baby or even the concept of her understanding of things. He gets it, she’s a baby. She’s still learning not to pull his hair, or smack his head, so much so that he will lay there and let her abuse him with her baby-slaps because he knows she doesn’t intend on hurting him. Jackson is also still learning, that Isabella is still small and doesn’t have the same sense of balance, and needs gentle play. Now that he has a little playmate, he can watch her grow and explore things with him and he really enjoys her and has fun seeing her changing every day. 

The first few months with a new baby is always a struggle, but when it’s just you and baby, you have a bit more freedom during naps to have a shower, have a meal, or just have quiet. When there’s 2, and one is a baby, and yes there are naps, but now during naps, your first child needs you and deserves that time they missed with you earlier when you had to hold, feed and change the baby. Especially when that first child is under 4 years old, they need way more connection and lack more independence. With Jackson, being 6, he is content playing with his Nintendo, or watching Spider-Man, or even running to his friends house a few houses away. I’m able to watch him get to their house from my bay window and I know he is safe and I know he’s having fun, and content playing over there. I can whip him up a lunch or snack while Isabella naps or plays or explores. It’s become so much easier with Isabella being One year old and she can be distracted by toys or books. 

You can do anything mama

Going from ONE baby to TWO is like going from ONE baby to FIVE! This is tough. It’s going to be tough for some time. But guess what mama! You can do this!

It’s only tough for a little while. I promise. You are learning a brand new skill each time you become someone’s mommy. You may think you will have it all together when the next baby comes along, because you’ve done this before. But all babies are different and we forget how to handle the “baby-life” because it’s SO SHORT and we don’t realize just how little time we actually have to spend with a new baby. When you’re in it, it feels like an eternity… but then it’s over and your baby is a toddler! So don’t blink! 

There are times when you think you can’t do this, but that is when you need to reach out. You have more people in your corner than you think. Someone is more than willing to help you, you just have to ask. I was horrible at this. I just allowed myself to sink deeper and cry way more than I like to admit. 

Just always remind yourself mama, you were made for this. It’s biology. It’s in you. 

Having babies, raising them, and giving them all the love, asking questions when you don’t know, learning how to swaddle, change a diaper, and make your baby smile, this is all evidence that you are amazing at being this little baby’s mama! And no one will ever know this baby more than you. When you care enough to find out and do what’s best, that’s when you know that you’re doing a great job. 

So don’t stress that you may be ignoring or brushing off your older child, they will get all that love back again and they will never remember the rough first year of their new sibling’s life because it’s very short. It was very hard for me when I brought a second baby into our lives but we eventually learned how to adjust and include this new little person.